


New Found Freedom

by grootturner



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, This is my first work posted on here sorry if i do this wrong, a little bit of abuse between the reader and Kylo as well but not much, also there's some violence but it's not really graphic, rated M for smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 07:03:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5657113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grootturner/pseuds/grootturner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The First Order destroys the planet you live on and takes you with them. Kylo discovers there's more to you than he first thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

All your life you have dreamed of the day when you would be free. Free from this prison, free from this planet, free to be yourself. No one knows about what you struggle with every day. No one knows that you’re forced to restrain your power or else you’ll really be locked away. People look at you and they see the princess of the palace. The princess of this kingdom that you don’t even belong to in the first place. But to you, this kingdom is not your home, and this palace is a prison that you can’t escape from. 

Until the day the First Order attacked. 

You could see it happening from your balcony. Homes and buildings were being destroyed, men in white armoured suits were shooting citizens with their blasters. Reckoning, ruining. And they were headed straight for you. Straight for the palace. 

You stay in your chambers, but you can hear the destruction happening within the palace walls. It doesn’t take long for them to find your room, and when they do you are hidden. As they search the room, you think to yourself. This could be your chance to leave this planet for good. You know these attackers aren’t from this planet, and surely when they find what they’re looking for they will go back to where they came from. You form a plan of action for yourself. And then you step out so that they can see you. 

The men in white armor shoot at you, but you block their fires. You fight back for a bit, to let them know you are trouble. Using the power you’ve had since you were young, you pull the gun from one armoured man and bash him over the head with it, and he falls to the ground. There’s a man in black robes and a hood. He’s holding a red light saber, but it doesn’t look like the kind you’ve seen before. There’s something different about it. He speaks, his voice is robotic and a bit muffled from the mask he is wearing. “She’s useful. Take her to the ship.” He says, and the soldiers charge for you, taking you by the arms and dragging you with them. 

As they escort you to their getaway ship, you stare at the land you’ve come to hate fall to pieces. Everything is burnt, broken, crushed. As they take you onto the ship, you glance behind you at the palace that looks the same as the kingdom. You realize that this miserable chapter of your life is finally over. But what you haven’t learned yet is that a new chapter of your life is about to begin. And it’s going to change everything.


	2. Chapter 2

The plan you devised to get yourself captured was dangerous, yet you had no fear. You were locked in a cold room on the ship, and somehow it felt better than being trapped in the palace for all those years. You waited in that room for a long time, with no windows and no clocks. Tired you were, but you couldn’t fall asleep. Just because you were free didn’t mean you were safe. Not yet, anyway. 

Finally, you felt the ship land. A soldier removes the bindings on your wrists and ankles and he holds a gun to your back, forcing you to walk with all the other hostages they took from your planet. You make a point to listen to what was being said around you. By doing this, you learned that you are on the Starkiller Base, and these soldiers around you are called Stormtroopers. 

A different stormtrooper stops you and speaks to the one with a gun to your back. “Commander Ren orders to see her.” 

You are led in a different direction now, away from the other people they took from your kingdom. The stormtrooper brings you to a room, pushes you up to a chair and backs out of the room, the door shutting hard behind you. You look forward and you see him, the one who called you useful. He stands, he’s about 20 feet away. And then he speaks. 

“Tell me your name.” He says, his mask-muffled voice echoing in the metal room. 

“Princess Y/N.” You say. Then you remember you’re not a princess anymore. Given your situation, you’re not afraid. You’re curious. Intrigued. What is it about you that he finds useful. Why does he think you’re ‘useful’ when everyone you’ve ever known thought you were just a catastrophic trouble maker. 

“Who trained you to use the Force?” He steps closer. 

But you don’t understand. You have no idea what he’s talking about. You stare at him for a moment, and although you are not afraid, you are a bit fearful of what he’ll do if you don’t respond eventually. “What? I don’t know what that is.” 

He pauses. There’s a moment where you’re not sure what he’s going to do next. But then you see his gloves hands reach for his head. He pulls back his hood and you hear a click as his helmet comes off, revealing who is underneath. 

He’s young. Probably not much older than you. He has curly, long, dark hair that reaches his shoulders, dark piercing eyes, and a sharp jaw. He’s very handsome. You really didn’t expect the man under that helmet to look like this. “You don’t know what the Force is? Surely, that’s what you were using when you knocked one of my men down with his own gun without laying a finger on him, is it not?” His real voice is deep, and you can tell just by hearing him speak that he’s hiding something. 

“You mean my powers? I wouldn’t know if they’re this thing you call the Force, I’ve never heard of such a thing.” You can’t take your eyes off of him. There’s something about him, it draws you in. 

“Has anyone taught you how to use your powers?” Once again he steps closer, the air feeling different when he does. 

“No. I figured out how to use them by myself. And when people found out about them I was punished. I wasn’t allowed to use them.” You say this and he has a look of sympathy on his face. 

“I’d like to see how you use them. I’m mostly certain that you are Force-sensitive. And if you are, I can train you to be stronger. Would you like that?” 

You think for a moment on his words. You’d like to be stronger, but you’d really love to learn how to use your powers without letting it drain you. You’ve fought for yourself before, but it’s never been easy for you to recover from a fight after you’ve used your powers. You never knew that your powers were a legitimate thing. You wonder if others have them. You want to learn more. 

“Yes. I’d like that very much.” 

And with that he smiles, and a new chapter in your life has begun.


	3. Chapter 3

After your short meeting with Kylo, you were shown to your room. The chrome stormtrooper from earlier introduced herself to you as Captain Phasma, and she told you that you get a special room all to yourself. But she seemed aggravated at the fact that Kylo is giving you even just a little special treatment. 

In your room, you found a pair of comfortable-looking clothes in the dresser, so you changed. Apparently the First Order has some kind of curfew for new recruits, so you were told to stay in your room. Normally you tend to be a bit of a rule-breaker, but you didn’t want to screw up your chance of staying on Kylo’s good side. So you stayed in your room for the night, and eventually you got some sleep. 

You awake the next morning to the sound of a radio. It’s playing from your dresser. You turn over in bed and see a hologram of Captain Phasma, playing on repeat. Tiredly, you stand and walk to it, actually listening now that you’re awake. 

“Y/N, the robes on the dresser are for you to wear. Prepare yourself and then step outside your room. A trooper will be waiting to lead you to your first day of training.” 

After listening, you turn off the recording and look at the robes. It takes you a few minutes to figure out how to put them on correctly, but after you decide it looks fine, you brush your long hair and pin it up. Then you put on a pair of black boots that are only a size too big and open the door of your room. 

The stormtrooper leads you to a large, dark room. He closes the door and the lights turn on. Kylo Ren is standing in the middle of the room. He’s wearing his mask. Two stormtroopers are standing behind him. You walk to him, but keep your distance. 

“To begin, I want to see what you can do.” Kylo says, and a trooper walks closer to you. “Fight. Defend yourself. Wound him if you need to. I want to see you in action.” 

You can feel yourself getting anxious on the inside. But your hard outer shell knows you must do this. The stormtrooper strikes the first move, charging at you with his gun. He tries to hit you with his actual blaster, instead of shooting it, but you use your powers to push him back. He tries once again, he keeps trying to strike a blow, to knock you down. But you’re blocking his every move. Until you can feel yourself getting weaker each time you block him. You know you can’t continue like this much longer, so you use your remaining strength to push him back. This time he’s lifted back so high that he falls and collides with the ground, finishing him. 

You’re nearly out of breath. But you keep your eye on him for a few moments to make sure he’s down for the count. When you’re sure he’s out, you straighten yourself out and take a few deep breaths, trying to gain enough strength to walk back to Kylo.   
You walk back to him and he has his helmet off now. He stares at you, he can tell you’re obviously tuckered out. “Impressive. You are strong, and you know how to use your strength. But you don’t know how to regain it. I want to know what drives you, what gives you your power. Follow me.”

You walk with him. A stormtrooper follows but he stops when you get to your destination. Kylo leads you to a portion of the ship that seems like someone's chambers of some sort. There’s a room with a small table and chairs, and Kylo puts his helmet in another room then returns and sits with you at the table. 

“Would you like to tell me more about your life before we brought you here? I’m curious to know why you haven’t tried to escape yet.” He says. The atmosphere that surrounded you two when you were first meeting with him is gone, it’s no longer tense between you two. This talk feels more casual. You say it almost feels like speaking with a new friend than with a mentor. You find it fascinating that he can be so stern and scary at times, but then other times he can be gentle and amiable. 

But if you really faced it, you were scared to speak about your past. You don’t have many good memories. But you knew Kylo could help you. So you begin. “I don’t remember being taken as a baby from my family, but I know that I was. I wasn’t born into royalty. I’ve never felt like a princess. I always felt like a prisoner.” 

“Why is that?” He leans in, intrigued. 

“When I was seven, I learned that I had powers. But I didn’t know how to use them. So naturally I played with them, I experimented. I tried to figure out what to do with them. I was young, I was a child, and one day I didn’t get what I want so I threw a tantrum. They locked me in my room for a very long time as a punishment. I was angry. When they came back to let me out I showed them my anger through my powers. I hurt them, badly. But it didn’t help my situation. Because then they thought I was too dangerous to be around anyone. That’s how that palace became my prison. Because of a mistake I made when I was young. And I’ve had this hate and anger in my soul for so long, I let it get the best of me sometimes.” By the end of your story, you are in tears. You were always so strong, always sure to never show your weakness to others. But that was easy when you never saw anyone. And now you were in front of one of the most powerful, evil men in the galaxy, weeping. 

You expected him to dismiss you, to decide you are too weak to train, too weak to fight. You think you’ve just lost your chance at being free and learning how to use the Force. But his reaction leaves you surprised. 

He takes you in his arms, holding you close. At first he doesn’t say anything. He just strokes your back gently, and your head is on his chest and you can feel his heartbeat. It’s a shock to you, you’ve never been in another person's embrace like this. After a while you calm down, your tears ceasing, leaving you with wet eyes and cheeks. 

“I’m sorry..” You mumble, looking up at him. 

“Don’t be.” He says softly, looking down at your damp face. “You’ve been through a lot. I’m sure you feel like your memories and emotions make you weaker, but they don’t. You can use them to make you stronger. You can turn them into something better than pain, you can turn them into power.” 

“Is that what you did?” You wipe your eyes with your sleeve. 

“Yes. I can teach you how to turn your hate and anger into strength.” He gives you the slightest smile, and for once in your life you feel as if someone believes in you. Kylo wants to be your mentor because he believes you’ll succeed. No one has ever believed in you before. 

You stand, collecting yourself and nodding. “I won’t let you down, Master Ren.” 

“Please,” He says, leaning in and giving you a gentle kiss on the forehead. “Call me Kylo.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I just want to say thank you to everyone who's read and given kudos. I didn't think I'd get so many reads after one day of posting. As long as I know people like my story, I'll keep writing. So thanks!

He gave you your own lightsaber. And taught you how to use it. It’s red, like his. It wasn’t easy at first, but over the course of a month and five hours of training every day, you master the Force, and your basic training is complete. 

But Kylo says you still have much to learn. And you know this must be true because there are even times when he himself is learning, from you. He’s an inspiration to you. You want to be as great as him someday. You want to help him lead the First Order. He believes that you will someday. You just need to prove yourself to Phasma, General Hux, and most importantly, Snoke. 

You’ve learned that with the Force comes many more powers than you first thought. For example, you can sometimes sense what Kylo is feeling, or where he is. It’s helped you to better get to know him. 

And your time spent with him hasn’t just been the hours of training, or watching him plan the First Order’s next move. There were times when you spent the nights looking at the stars together, talking about your dreams. He still doesn’t open up to you much. But you still feel like you know him better than anyone else. 

As you’re walking down one of the many hallways, you can hear the short chatter of a couple of stormtroopers. They say, “He’s at it again.” “Where?” “The North control room, I hear.” You know what this means. Hurriedly, you run to where he is, and he’s doing what he always does when things don’t go as planned. 

“Kylo!” You shout. 

His shoulders are heaving. You can hear his ragged breathing through his mask. He turns around slowly and utters, “What?”

“You know, Hux hates you enough already. He’s not going to be happy about this.” You cross your arms, walking to him. 

“I don’t care.” He puts his lightsaber away and storms off in the direction of his chambers. Naturally, you follow him, even though you know there's a chance he’ll be angry with you for doing so. 

“Kylo, please talk to me...” You say to him. He has his back to you, helmet off. 

“I can't.” He whispers, still not facing you. 

You walk in front of him, and your hands reach up to hold his face as you look at his sad eyes. “Yes you can. Your emotions don’t make you weak, Kylo. Remember? You told me that. They make you stronger.” 

“Not the ones I feel for you.” And as those words left his mouth, you felt the weight in your heart shift. “I’m in love with you, Y/N. I can’t deny it any longer.” 

You take a step back, hand covering your mouth in shock. You never thought you’d ever hear him say it. You felt it, you wondered if it was true. But you never thought he’d confess. And now he has, but he’s ashamed. 

“Do you...” You feel your eyes start to water, your voice cracks. “Do you think it’s pulling you to the light, your love for me?” 

“No.” He locks eyes with you. “But it’s a new emotion. I don’t know how to use it like I know how to use the other ones. I don’t know.. what to do with it.” 

You step closer to him again, you take his big hands and you hold them in your own. “Give me it. Give me your love.”

He’s taken by surprise. It’s like he was sure you didn’t have the same emotions for him that he has for you. “Do you love me?” He asks. 

“I do. I didn’t say anything, because I thought you would be angry. You’re my mentor. My teacher. And I thought maybe you felt this way about me, but I couldn’t be sure. But I’m so happy you told me. I want to lead the First Order with you, Kylo. And I want to be yours.” Your statements are genuine. You want this. You want him. There’s no going back.

“Then mine you shall be.” He smiles and leans down, capturing your lips with his. His kiss is sweet, it’s real. You can feel that he means this, there’s no doubt in your mind. 

When he pulls back you see something new in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. It’s happiness. It’s love.


	5. Chapter 5

For the first time in your life, you feel alive. Wholeheartedly, entirely alive. So many changes have happened in such a short amount of time. A lot of people would look at what happened to you and think it’s a tragedy, but you know it as a blessing. Your home planet being destroyed, getting kidnapped, being trained to be evil. Anyone would see this as something horrible. Yet you believe it’s what saved you. 

You spend most of your days at Kylo’s side. When he’s at Starkiller Base, you help him with planning, you go to meetings with him, in some ways it’s like he’s training you to be just as great as him, which is everything you want. On the days when he leaves to go to other planets, you stay home. He says it’s safer for you not to be with him when he’s not at the base. But he has promised that someday he will take you with him. You’re a bit scared to face the Resistance, but when the time comes you will do it. You’ll do anything to make him proud, which will of course make yourself proud as well. 

But today you spent the day in your chambers, which you shared with him now. You were reading in bed when he got home, late in the evening. He takes his helmet off and smiles at you, then proceeds to remove his outer layer of clothing. 

You put your book down on the bedside table and sit up. “How has your day been, my love?” You ask. 

He stands in front of his helmet, staring at it as he answers your question. “I’ve been thinking.. About us.” You stay quiet, and he continues. “How can I dedicate myself to the dark side, if my heart belongs to you?” 

“You don’t have to choose, Kylo. You don’t have to choose between me or the First Order. Both of us have given ourselves to the dark side. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have each other as well.” As you say this he finally turns to you.

He climbs into bed and gazes at you. He knows what you say is true. And you know he’s tired of holding himself back. Kylo leans in, stroking your cheek before pressing his lips to yours. This is it. He’s not going to restrain himself anymore.

You can feel a tingling in your chest as you continue to lock lips with him. His hand moves down from your face, over your chest and down to your hip where it stays for a moment. Your own hands wander to his arms, gripping his muscles. A heat between you develops. You can feel the want in his kiss. 

He pulls back slightly to look at your face. You give him a small, silent nod, to let him know that this is what you want as well. And the second he gets your consent, a small smirk appears at the corner of his mouth and he buries his head in the crook of your neck as you lie down on the bed. He leaves hungry kisses on your skin, covering you from your neck to your stomach in them. 

It doesn’t take long for your clothes to be removed, and you’re laid under him, naked, bare. You’re so close. There’s no tension, nothing hold you or him back. Soon you are connected, and a wave of pleasure rolls over you. You wrap your legs around him, encouraging him to give it to you. He uses his arms to prop himself over you, moving his hips. You share a gaze with each other, you never knew another person could make you feel so good in this way. When you think it can’t get any better, you feel him going faster, deeper, harder. You can’t help but moan, saying his name, begging for more. He grips your waist and drives into you, his own moans muffled into your shoulder. 

And then there’s a moment of euphoria. You feel pleasure rippling through your body. He can feel it too. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. His hips slowly stop, both of your bodies shaking, heaving. He rolls off of you, but you’re still in his embrace. 

And you wonder, how could he be so afraid of something that feels so right?


	6. Chapter 6

For weeks you have been preparing yourself for this day, helping Kylo prepare for this day. It’s all you could think about the days before today. You’re scared, but you’re excited as well. How could you not be? This is the day you’ve been training for since day 1, since Kylo took you under his wing. Because this is the day you’re going to show the First Order what you’re made of. 

Not long ago, Kylo got his first lead on the map to where Luke Skywalker is hiding, but chaos ensued after that, and a stormtrooper and Poe, a Resistance pilot that Kylo took hostage, escaped. The map is in a BB-unit droid, and the last people seen with it are an unknown girl and stormtrooper FN-2187. General Hux has been sending out troopers left and right to keep up with the trail of where the droid is heading, but this chase hasn’t been easy so far. 

And you’ve just been informed that they’ve found the droid. Kylo tells you this is the day. You’re going with him, you’re going to fight and do whatever it takes to get that droid. 

You travel with him in his ship, wearing your official First Order uniform. Kylo picked it out for you, a black dress that resembles his robes, and although it’s a dress, it has a wide skirt so it’s actually very easy to fight in. A hood covers your hair, and your hands are covered in thick black gloves. You look like a sith. And you feel like this is who you were meant to become. 

But when you land, everything hits. The ship opens and you follow Kylo off of it. Stormtroopers are everywhere, harassing the innocent people of Takodana, threatening their lives and even taking some. Your mission right now is to search for the droid. You have no time to admire the beauty of the planet, which is what you would have wanted to do before you joined the dark side.   
You’re stepping over unconscious and dead bodies, rubble from the destroyed watering hole, broken trees and rocks and searching for for the droid or any of the people seen with it. You stumble upon a path of footprints in the dirt, and although they’re nearly the same size as your own feet, you know they’re not yours. They lead away from the scene of attack. 

Quickly, you begin to follow the prints in the path. You follow her trail for at least a mile before you spot her, just as she’s ducking under a groove in a tree. With your heart racing, you raise your wrist and speak quietly into the communicator. “I found the girl.”

You hear Kylo reply. “Stall her. Don’t let her get away.” 

You hear a small gasp. She heard you. She looks behind her and spots you, and takes off again. The chase begins, and you learn that she’s fast, but you know you must be faster. Jumping over rocks, trees, avoiding the things in your way, running until the distance between you and her is small enough to use your power. You focus your strength, remembering the techniques Kylo taught you. The power of the Force knocks her out, and she trips and falls to the ground. 

Finally you’re able to approach her. You ready your weapon, standing over her to be ready for when she awakens. It doesn’t take long for her to open her eyes. She sees you, and with fear on her face, she rises to her feet, trying to escape. She backs into a tree, and you hold your lightsaber up to her so close that if he moves even an inch, she’ll be cut. 

Your eyes meet with hers. You can see that she thinks you’re going to kill her. You’re not going to, because she knows where the droid is. But in this moment you question if you even could. Could you do it? Could you really slice her throat, watch the light in her eyes fade as she falls to the ground, lifeless. 

Your thinking is interrupted when two stormtroopers stand on either side of you, and you back up and let them take the girl. Kylo is standing behind you when you turn around. “Well done.” He says, and you follow him back to the ship, the girl being carried in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7 - Resistance Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay I was debating on whether or not I should post this since the reader isn't actually at the base in this short chapter but I dunno here it is. I thought maybe I'd do something where the Resistance wants to know more about the reader. Let me know if you think its a good idea.

“They took Rey! We have to save my friend!” Finn says, trying hard to contain his panicking. 

“We’ll get her back, but you need to tell us everything you know about the First Order.” General Leia calls a meeting, and Poe stands at Finn’s side. 

Beep, beep, beep. 

Poe looks down at his droid. “What is it, BB-8?”

The droid opens its lenses, revealing holographic pictures of you and Kylo taking Rey onto the First Order’s ship. 

“Who is that with Ren?” Poe asks. 

“That’s Commander Y/N. I don’t know much about her, except that she’s very powerful. Kylo Ren trained her, and she’s Force-sensitive.” Finn says. 

“Do you know where she came from? I’ve never seen her before.” Leia says, signaling to a member of her crew to search BB-8‘s pictures, and find a clue to who you are. Soon enough, they find a match. They know about your past life, they know you were a princess. The city you lived in was partnered with the Resistance. 

“Her and Kylo are kind of.. a thing.” Finn says reluctantly. “At least that’s what I heard from other stormtroopers when I was one. General Hux teases him about it too.” 

“Add her to our logs.” Leia says, and they continue on planning the Resistance’s next move.


	8. Chapter 8

At Starkiller Base, you receive your first calling. Supreme Leader Snoke wishes to speak to you. 

Hux takes you to a large empty room, and as soon as the general leaves the room, Snoke appears. He takes the form of a giant hologram, sitting in a throne. He has no hair, and pale white skin. “Tell me, Y/N... Why is it the dark side you seek?” 

“When Kylo Ren took me from my home, it was in fact a blessing for me. I was unhappy with the life I used to live, and I was not treated with respect.” You hold your hands in front of you, nervous inside. “But I have found comfort in the dark side. Comfort in knowing I can use my power freely and for an organization to better the galaxy.” 

Snoke smiles, but so faintly that you can hardly see it. “Kylo Ren has taught you well. But your training is not complete. You have much to go.” 

You hear the door open and when you turn around, you see that Kylo has bursted inside, striding to the podium. “Supreme Leader, I can’t get through the girl!”

Snoke look unamused. “You, a Knight of Ren, can’t get through the mind of a scavenger?!”

“She is force-sensitive. Untrained, but stronger than she knows.” Kylo says, and you can feel his anger in the atmosphere surrounding him. 

“Bring the girl to me.” Snoke says, and with that you and him are dismissed. 

“Kylo.” You call for him attention when you leave the room. He stops and turns to you, looking at you with a hard stare. “I have a bad feeling, like all of this is going to crumble around us.”

“I can feel it too, Y/N.” He says.

“I’m going to ready a plan if this all goes to hell. I’ll inform Hux and Phasma, and I’ll find you when it’s time.” You lean up and give him a small kiss on the lips. He nods, and takes off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! Thank you for sticking with me so far! This is going to be the last chapter that's tied with the Force Awakens movie. While writing I realized it would be a bit hard to place the reader character into everything that happens from here out. But I hope I can still make this fic interesting and I do have big plans for it. So thanks for everything! Also, sorry this one is short.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was high as hell when I wrote this chapter but I can't be bothered to write a better one so here's chapter 9, folks.

You wake up to the sound of a familiar voice. It’s one you’ve heard before, but not in the same way you are hearing it now. 

“Alert Kylo that Y/N is awake.” The voice tells a nurse. 

When you open your eyes you see a woman, dressed in gray. She has short blonde hair, and she’s the same height as your beloved. 

“Do you know your name?” She asks you. 

“I’m Y/N. Who are you?” You ask her, and all of a sudden your head throbs in pain. The ache comes from nowhere. 

“Captain Phasma. Do you remember me? Do you remember Kylo, the First Order?” The expression on her face is of worry. 

You’d chuckle if it wouldn’t hurt your head so much. “Yes, I remember. I’ve just never seen what you look like without your armor, Phasma.” 

She smiles. It’s the first time she’s ever shown any kind of liken to you. 

The door opens. Kylo walks inside the room, not wearing his helmet, wearing casual-like clothes instead of his usual black robes. “Y/N!” He shouts, and he’s at your side, reaching out to touch your face. He looks at Phasma and says, “Does she remember me?” 

“Yes, I remember you Kylo.” You say before she has time to respond. 

“I feared you would never wake up.” Everyone’s expressing emotion today. This is rare, you think, Kylo isn’t hiding his emotions from you. His eyes are even watering. 

“Well.. I’m awake. And I have a horrible headache. Where are we? This doesn’t look like any room I’ve seen in the Starkiller.” You ask, as you’re handed ibuprofen. You take it, washing it down with a cup of water. 

“We’re in the Temple. Starkiller was destroyed by the Resistance. We’re taking residence here until the First Order can build a new base.” Kylo tells you, then he looks at Phasma and the nurse. “I’d like a bit of privacy now, you are dismissed.” And Phasma and the nurse leave the room. 

He sits on the edge of the bed, his hand returning to your cheek, and you can just see all his feelings for you displayed in his eyes. You can see all those nights without you he spent worrying he’d never hear your voice again or fearing he’d never see the glimmer in your eyes when you look at him. 

“How long was I out? Did I have a concussion?” You ask, scooting closer to him and leaning your head against his arm, just to feel him close to you again. 

“Yes. It’s been three weeks since Starkiller Base was destroyed.” His voice is so gentle. He leans   
his face in close to yours. You kiss his lips, that fluttering feeling returning to your stomach like it always does when you share these moments with him. “I love you.” He says.

“I know.” You say.


	10. Chapter 10

The Temple has been very kind to you and your comrades. But although you’ve learned a lot from just being in a place with much history, you feel like it’s just not getting to you. You’re where all the very best Sith have trained and yet you can’t feel the underlying power that this place holds. You assume it has something to do with being concussed for three weeks, and you hope it’s nothing more than that. 

But you’re not the only one feeling this way recently. Kylo hasn’t been feeling well either, and although he hasn’t told you himself, while his more special Force power is telepathy, yours is empathy. You can always feel when others emotions are lingering. You just don’t know why Kylo is feeling this way. You want to get down to it, it doesn’t set right with you when he’s not feeling well and you don’t know why. But it’s so hard to get through to him. 

Today he has spent nearly the whole day in your chambers. You take this as the time to figure out what’s wrong. 

“Kylo, there’s something you’re not telling me. You know I can feel it when you’re upset. Don’t hide from me anymore.” You shake his shoulder as he sits on the bed with his face in his hands.

“I’ve done something horrible.” He says quietly. You’re surprised he’s opening up so quick. 

“Tell me.”

“I don’t know if you know this or not, Y/N, but I am the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo.” He looks up at you, and now you’re holding his face in your hands. 

“I didn’t know that, Kylo...” You stare at him. 

“And that name - Kylo Ren... it was given to me by Supreme Leader Snoke. I was born with the name Ben Solo.” His eyes look even more broken than they ever have before. This is all news to you. He never told you any of this before. 

“You’re the son of the general of the Resistance?” 

“I am. Han Solo came to rescue Rey the day they destroyed the base, and he found me.” He can’t even look at you anymore, he pulls his face out of your grasp and wipes his eyes. 

“What did you do, Kylo?” You cover your mouth, fearing his answer. 

“I killed Han Solo. I killed my father!” He cries, hiding his face as the tears run down his cheeks. 

And you’re piecing it together, he’s upset, he’s afraid. He’s angry at himself. But why? Why is the deadliest person you know so afraid right now?

“Why did you do it? Why was it hard?” You ask. 

“Snoke told me it would cease the call from the light.” He wipes his cheeks. 

“You felt a call from the light? You, Kylo Ren?” This is a surprise to you.

“Yes. I feel it every week. I believed Leader Snoke, I thought killing my father would make it go away but it has only made it worse. The guilt is consuming me.” He stands, walking to the other side of the bed. 

“Have you ever thought that maybe this isn’t where you belong? Maybe the dark side is not where you belong? Maybe you’re not a Sith?” You walk to him, your hand placing itself on his shoulder again. 

“This is all I have ever known, Y/N!” He shouts. “Ever since I was 10 years old, I was sent to my uncle’s Jedi Academy, but I felt the darkness inside of me. I felt Snoke’s voice in my head telling me things, and I knew they weren’t my own thoughts at first. But the lines faded as I got older, I couldn’t tell the difference between his voice in my head and mine. All I knew is that something was pulling me to the darkness and I didn’t have the strength to fight it anymore.” 

You are heartbroken. This man you know to be the strongest, darkest powerful force was manipulated into believing he’s something he isn’t. 

“He told me my grandfather is Darth Vader, and I used that as my motivation, I wanted to be just like him. Now I don’t know what I want to be. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I don’t think I can ever go back to my mother, I doubt she ever wants to see me again after what I did.” 

You do the only thing you feel like you can do right now. You take him in, wrapping him in your arms even though you’re much smaller than him. You hold him, the way he held you when you needed it on that first day of training. “Kylo..” You say, but he stops you. 

“Call me Ben, please.” He whispers and you nod. 

“Of course.. Ben, I want you to know that I’m so proud of you. Not for what you’ve done, but for right now. You’re showing your emotion in a healthy way. Instead of causing destruction like you usually do when you don’t know how else to let out your feelings, you’re talking to me. You’re strong, Ben. You don’t need to be anything you don’t want to be. You’re going to figure this out. You’ll get through this. I know you will.” You kiss his forehead. 

He looks at you and gives you the faintest smile. For the first time, someone believes in him. Someone believes in Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to take a different direction with this fic. But I hope you'll all still like it. Thanks for all the reads so far!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this one I'm really self conscious but this fic has gotten me back into writing so I'm blessed to have you awesome readers

You’ve created a plan. You’re going to help the only person who’s ever loved you. It’s all you can do, you know he deserves a better life than the one he’s lived. And you know it’s never too late for change. 

But it’s a secret for right now. No one can know what you’re going to do. Not even him. 

When you wake up, Ben isn’t in your bed. You get out and get dressed, and find him on the balcony, the breeze blowing his raven hair. You approach him, standing next to him on the balcony. 

He reaches for your hand, holding it in his. “Good morning, my love. How did you sleep?” 

“I slept about as well as I could given everything that’s happened lately.” You say, smiling at him. 

“I understand. There’s something I’ve got to ask you.” He looks at you, love in his eyes. 

“Yes?” You squeeze his hand.

He uses his other hand to reach in his pocket, pulling out something small and sparkly. It’s a gold ring, a small diamond in the middle, surrounded in even smaller rubies. “Will you be my wife?”

You hand covers your mouth in shock, eyeing the ring before looking back up at him. “Do you mean this?” You ask, your cheeks red with blush. 

“Of course!” He faces you, holding the ring between you two. 

“Yes! I’ll be your wife, Ben.” You say and he slips it on your finger. It fits just right. You cup his cheek and kiss him, smiling against his lips. 

When he pulls back he gazes at your eyes. “I wish you didn’t have to leave. Can’t I come with you?” 

“I must go alone, my love.” You say, stroking his cheek with your thumb. “But I will return a soon as I can. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” And he gives you one last kiss. 

Your trip to D’Qar takes only half a day. You picked a spot to land that wasn’t too close to the Resistance base, and today you decided to wear something that seemed less threatening that you’re usual black robes. You didn’t even bring your lightsaber. From what you knew, as long as you didn’t attack the Resistance, they wouldn’t attack you. All you wanted was to speak to General Organa. You really hoped this visit wouldn’t take a dark turn. 

On your walk to the base, you admired the beauty of the planet. There were butterflies everywhere in the forest, even some wild flowers. It had been a while since you got to admire the beauty of your surroundings. 

When you found the base, you hid behind a tree, looking out at all the Resistance fighters and officials walk around doing their jobs. Then you spot her, the General. She’s speaking with a man you recognize from the First Orders attack on Takodana. Then she walks into a tent, and the man goes to talk to a pilot. 

To get to the tent she’s in, you have to walk around the entire base, in the woods, hiding in the trees until you can get close enough to it. You wait until no one is looking and when the coast is clear, you run around the tent and enter it. 

She’s sitting at a table with another official. Immediately, she looks up at you, freezing in place. She’s knows you’re not with the Resistance. Leia reaches for her communicator to say something into it. 

“Please, don’t! I just need to speak with you!” You say, holding a hand up. 

“Who are you?” She asks. 

“I’m Ben Solo’s wife.” You say. 

She’s taken aback. Her stare on you doesn’t leave. There’s a look of shock on her face. “I swear I’m not here to cause trouble.” You say.

“Have a seat, then.” She points to the other chair at the table. “Why are you here?” 

“I’m here to tell you that there’s hope for your son.” You look at her in all seriousness. 

“How could there be? After what he’s done...” She says, and you can see the heartbreak on her face. She hasn’t slept since that day, you can tell by her tired eyes. She’s given up hope, lost all belief. 

“I know him better than anyone. He’s guilty, he hates what he’s done. I think he wants to come back to you but he’s scared. He thinks you never want to see him again.” You hold your hands in your lap, thankful that this visit is going well. 

“Of course I want to see him again. I’m angry at him but I have room in my heart for forgiveness.” She frowns. 

“There’s still so much light in him, General. He was manipulated into believing he’s evil. Snoke got in his mind when he was young, abusing him from inside his thoughts.” 

“I knew it!” She stands, slamming her fist on the table in anger. “I knew Snoke was doing that, he got to him at such a young age. I wish he would have told us, but he never spoke about his emotions or anything really personal, even when he was young.” 

“I want to bring him back to you, but is it safe here? I have a bad feeling that if Ben comes her, the rest of the Resistance won’t be happy.” You stand, wiping your palms on your pants. 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. But I want to see him again. We can meet on the other side of D’Qar.” She picks something up off the desk and hands it to you. 

“Here is a communicator. We can keep in touch. Thank you for coming here.” She gives you a thankful smile. 

You say you’re welcome, and as you turn to leave you feel her hand on your shoulder. So you turn around and look at her again. “Yes?”

“What about you? I saw you at the attack on Takodana. You were with the First Order. What are you going to do if Ben comes back to the light?” She asks. The question hits you in the face. It’s one you’ve been trying to avoid. 

“I’m not sure what I’ll do. I thought the dark side would give me freedom, and it has. But I feel like I can find freedom in other places as well.” You sigh. 

“Think about it. You’re always welcome here at the Resistance.” 

Her offer leaves you thinking on your trip back to the Temple. It didn’t bother you when you watched thousands of people die that day the First Order captured you. It never bothered you to watch Kylo slice innocent people to their death. But when you were faced with it, and it was your decision to kill or to spare the life of someone, you felt pulled to the option of letting that person live. Maybe you’re not the Sith you thought you wanted to be. Maybe the dark side isn’t for you, either.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I've updated but I think I got my inspiration back. Hopefully. Let's see how this goes.

You return to the Temple the next morning. Before you go to Ben, you give yourself some time to think. There’s a garden next to where the Sith’s meditate, and that’s where you find yourself after returning from your trip. 

You sit next to the flowers, rolling over the emotions in your heart, and the knowledge in your mind. You’ve never felt the call to the light until now. Growing up, all you had in your soul was hate and anger, wishing for a life where you could have control. Power is what you wanted, the power to make decisions for yourself. The First Order captured you, and that’s what you got. They taught you to find your inner strength. You feel like you owe it to them to ignore this sudden call to the light. After all they’ve done for you, how could you betray them?

After meditating a bit with some of the Sith’s, you leave the garden and go straight to your chambers, hoping Ben will be there. Sure enough he is, and you stare at the ring on your finger before approaching him. He turns to you and smiles, happy to see you home. 

“How was your trip?” He asks. 

“It was great.” You lean up and place a small kiss on his lips. 

“I have to confess something.” You say quietly. He stares at you, waiting for you to speak again. “I lied about where I went. I actually went to D’Qar. I spoke with your mother.” 

He becomes tense, his lips purse in anger, and you watch him raise his hand slightly. You feel the Force surround you, closing in on your throat. But before it can cut off the air to your lungs you use all your strength to scream, “BEN, NO!”

He stops. His arm coils, like he’s snapped out of almost doing something he would have seriously regretted. But he still can’t believe what he just did. “I’m so s-orry!” His voice cracks. 

You take a minute to recollect yourself, straightening your posture. “You stopped yourself. You didn’t let your anger control you.” You take a daring move in this situation and hold his hand. “I know you’re not happy that I met your mother, but I only want to help you. I don’t want to see you so miserable anymore.” 

He looks down at your hands, fingers connected. Inside he is so vulnerable. So scared. He hasn’t slept in weeks, he hardly eats. Most days he spends secluded in your chambers, because he’s afraid that if Hux and Phasma see him, they’ll know he’s straying to the light. You can tell he’s different just by looking at his pale face and the dark circles under his eyes. He looks at you, his lips forming a small frown. “What did you tell her?” 

You squeeze his hand gently. “I told her that you feel guilty for what you did. That you still feel the light inside you. She wants to see you, Ben. She wants to forgive you.” 

“But what if she can’t? What if she sees my face and becomes disgusted, what if she looks at me with hate in her eyes because I’m the one who killed the man she loved. What if the Resistance finds me and ends me?” He tenses up, looking at the ground. 

“You have to put your fears behind you. Do you want redemption? Do you want to get away from the dark side? Do you want to finally be happy?” You hold his face in your hands. 

“Yes. I don’t want to live this empty, cold life anymore.” There’s sincerity in his eyes. If you had thought for a second he wasn’t being genuine, you wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble. 

“Then you have to see your mother. She knows you were manipulated at a young age, she wants to save you from the darkness. I can help her but I can’t do it on my own.” 

“What about you? Snoke put his faith in you, he wanted to put you in charge of the First Order if something happens to me. What will you do if I leave the dark side?” He takes both your hands and holds them between you and himself. 

“I haven’t figured that out yet. I thought I belonged here, in the First Order. It was my first real taste of freedom and happiness. I’m not going to worry about myself right now, though. Don’t you worry about me either.” You lift his rough hands and kiss them, smiling faintly. 

“Just don’t ever let me hurt you. You’re all I have right now.” Ben says. 

You nod. “I won’t. I promise.”


End file.
